Conflicting Zen

Long time no post. Didn’t realize it’s been so long, but I’ve been a bit on the busy side, which is honestly a little strange for me. I’m a homebody, what can I say? Though, technically, my being busy stems from being home.

We’ve been doing so much stuff this summer that it almost feels strange to be home all day. Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s not in anyway. In all reality, I’ve needed this. I love all the experiences – sailing and kayaking and going to the falls – that I’ve had over the last few months but I feel like it’s high time to sit my butt down at home and get something productive done.

I’ve been horrible with keeping up with my editing/ rewriting of my first novel… or any writing for that matter. I keep blaming it on writer’s block, but I think I’m honestly using that for an excuse. The good news is that I WANT to get back to my book and my characters never really leave me. Heck, they carry on conversations in my head just about every night when I’m trying to go to sleep. Can’t really argue with that, though. They give me some really good book material in the wee hours of the morning, even if I am half asleep when I go to write it down in the notebook I keep beside my bed.

Besides the complete lack of writing, other things have fallen lax as well… like cleaning. I won’t lie – with my love of scouring the thrift stores almost every week – my room looks like a potential entry for a future episode of hoarders.

Now, focusing on the title of this post… what I mean by ‘conflicting zen’ is that over the past six months, maybe even the better part of a year, I’ve been gravitating towards a more simplistic approach to life. I’ve become overly prone to anxiety attacks and have grown even fonder of the quiet lull of nature. I’ve never been much of a people person which is probably why I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I guess it’s my one real avenue to connect with others that doesn’t make me feel quite so awkward. So, I’ve been on this sort of self mission to find a way to live more simply. It’s been almost two years now since I’ve started eating healthier and I feel so much better for it, but I don’t want to just stop there.

The fact is that I’ve never been much of a materialistic person – and never want to be. If my series of novels ever takes off and I get rich and famous from it (hey, we can all dream, right?) I can’t say that I would undertake any overly extravagant expenses. I just don’t have expensive tastes. I hate gold and diamonds. Cars don’t fascinate me… though I would love to own an old Volkswagen Beetle someday.

My only problem is that with being an artist, I have a habit of collecting and saving EVERYTHING. Little scraps of paper, cardboard tubes, boxes from things and who knows what else that I can’t think of at the moment. Let’s just say, that makes it hard to simplify things when I not only have a bad habit of saving things but a complex about throwing anything out that might be useful. Now, I’m not nearly as bad as some of those people on that hoarders show, but I’m not all that organized either.

Now, in the process of beginning to clean my room last week I came across my binder from the one semester I went to college that I used for everything – I would make my own planner pages in Publisher – and I realized how much more organized I was then. So, I went out and bought a cheap white binder and made some more planner pages and found some dividers and I’m trying something out. I’m keeping this binder now and trying to keep all my ideas, things I need to do and whatnot in there as a way to keep more organized and try to keep things in one place. We shall see how that goes.

My biggest goal is to actually rid my room of all unnecessary clutter and remodel it. There’s this ugly wood paneling from the 70’s that I’m dying to get rid of. What I want to do is paint it this lovely dark, burnt orange color and I have half an idea to do one wall with that fake brick paneling. Either way, I just want an ‘office’ that isn’t decidedly ugly and full of crap I don’t need. I want to actually be able to get to the craft things that I need.. though, technically, I have a craft space in the basement. I don’t know if this remodel will happen this year… depends on time and if I can get anywhere with cleaning. I would love for it to be done this year though. It might make the long winter months a lot more bearable.

Besides that, in lieu of improving my health – on top of the healthy eating – I’ve begun attempting to find a bit of an exercising regimen. I honestly don’t know who I am anymore. I hate exercise. Nothing more to be said. However, I’m on day four and as much as I hate to admit it, I feel so much better. Now, I don’t need to lose weight or anything and it’s not a high intensity workout or anything. Just some yoga every morning, maybe some water aerobics in the hot tub, and some cardio here and there. I wouldn’t mind being a bit more toned, but for now, I do know that I feel better and I’ve been sleeping so much more soundly at night. This might keep the winter blues away as well.

All I know is that right now  I’m rearing to get some writing or some drawing done. I’ve been so far removed from my art and writing that I feel it’s high time to get back down to it. Maybe I will post a teaser of my writing soon or a drawing or two.


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