Loss and Colorful New Beginnings

February, oh February… how is it that you have arrived already?

Seeing as my last post was on January first, I figured it was time for an update.

Though, since this blog is supposed to be mainly about writing, I don’t know just how much there is to actually update. As has been the case for a number of years now – with my winter depression – January has proven to be a rather unproductive month.

I actually think that I can quite accurately blame myself for that, however. I always think of January as a crap month, and therefore, that is what it always turns out to be. Yet, that doesn’t mean that I did absolutely nothing or that squat occurred during the past month. In fact, quite the opposite is true on that account. Not everything has been shiny and fun, but I made it through another January.

To dispose of the tears and the sadness first, I will make note that last week we had to put one of our cats to sleep. I know that there are plenty out there who think “What’s the big deal? It’s just a cat.” And then there are the others, like me, who have animals – whether it be cats or dogs – that know just how much our pets become family and realize how hard it is. The strange thing is that for as many cats as we’ve had over the years, this is the very first that we’ve actually had to take in to be put to sleep. For the longest time our young cats were either running away and never returning or getting hit by cars. This to is a hard thing to face, but remains simply that it was something that happened and not – like euthanasia – a conscious decision on your part. However, our cat in question – Bufford – was over ten years old and diabetic. He had lost a ton of weight last summer and had only been declining since. We took him to the vet in December and tried with the insulin shots, but he never truly recovered. And, as sad as it was to make that final decision, it was easy to see that he wasn’t having fun. He spent all his days simply laying on a towel in the kitchen, barely able to make it a few feet before having to lie down again from exhaustion. In the end, we knew allowing him to pass was the best decision for all of us.

Loss is such a strange thing, because the thing is that – as much as I hate to admit it – Bufford was probably the cat I was the least attached to of our current brood. He was more my mom’s buddy than mine, but I still found myself shedding a good amount of tears, before, during and after actually letting him go. I think, in a way, it just made me realize that I’m going to have to do that some day to the cat that really is mine and that I’m so attached to and that single thought just kills me.

So, I spent a few days feeling down because of that, as well as a few terribly depressive days in the beginning of the month. Don’t know why.

However, I had a few bright spots as well. Earlier in the month I got to go out to dinner and visit with a handful of friends that I haven’t seen in ages. That was fun and much needed. As was getting to hang out with another friend a few days later.

The biggest accomplishment this month though was finally getting some work done on my room I kind of consider my office. I’ll be the first to admit that due to my general laziness and the fact that it seems like I’m always freezing – I’m just not a winter person – I usually sit in bed with my computer and write, though I do actually have a desk. The thing was that the walls were covered in that disgusting wood paneling from the seventies, leaving it dark and completely uninspiring. One day I would like to renovate the entire room, but finances don’t allow for that at the moment so I did a quick fix instead just to brighten it up. And damn am I SO happy with how it turned out.

Here are the finished results:

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I wasn’t entirely sure how the orange would turn out, but I’m so glad I went with it. It’s so colorful! And I’ve read before that orange is supposed to be a creative and inspiring color, so let’s hope that turns out to be the case. Also, I very much do enjoy lounging around in random gowns and writing with feather pens. I fully embrace the wacky side of my creative nature, and I need something to get me through the long Michigan winter.

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It was a pain in the rump, but I think the gold stamping makes all the difference. I don’t particularly know what I was going for in the first place, but I ended up with a bit of a Moroccan theme. In a way, it’s kind of like going on vacation. On a separate note, not sure how well my Loki poster goes, but I wanted it up. And, my set of old dictionaries that I found at the thrift store go very well.

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A lot brighter with flash, but there’s a glimpse of the artwork that I bought at the Renaissance Festival last fall. The one next to my calendar reminds me a lot of one of the characters in my novel, so pretty and inspiring as well.

Overall, I’m loving this so far. Just sitting in my chair and looking at the walls makes me smile, so it was definitely worth the effort.

All of that aside, it is now the beginning of February and I think that it’s high time that I got back into my writing. I’ve been craving it lately which is certainly a good thing. I think that what’s been keeping me back – besides the slight depression – is that I’m stuck in a place where I know that I should work on my revise/edit of the first novel so that I can get closer to finally getting it out there for the world to read, yet I also desperately want to continue just writing and work on the second novel. I don’t know how well it will work out, but I may just try my hand at going back and forth between the two depending on whichever suits my fancy at any particular time. All I know is that I consider myself a writer, yet I haven’t been writing. So, at this point, just getting back to what I do best will make me happier.

On a final note, I will leave you with this sketch I did of one of my characters – my novel’s so-called villain, in fact. One of the things I might have mentioned in the last post of my non-goals for this year included getting back into the more visual aspects of art and that started with returning to the basic pencil and paper drawings. This is my first this year and for as silly as the initial image looked in my head, what I ended up with is probably one of the best things I’ve ever drawn on a whim. My greatest accomplishment… just look at those hands!

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Now, off to be productive!

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